WebWard Ho !

People spend a lot of time thinking up their children's names. It's justa pity they don't always think as hard about their domain names.

Firstly there is 'Who Represents', a database for agencies to the rich and famous: http://www.whorepresents.com

Looking for a pen? Look no further than 'Pen Island': http://www.penisland.net

Need a therapist? Try: http://www.therapistfinder.com

And there is an Italian Power company: http://www.powergenitalia.com

Finally we have the Mole Station Native Nursery, based in New SouthWales: http://www.molestationnursery.com/

Weekend Blast

Last Sunday, a friend was getting married in my home town, Lucknow and till Saturday evening I hadn’t quite made up my mind to go. Suddenly at 9:00 PM when guilt pangs struck, I rushed to the railway station to catch the last train home. I even managed to secure a confirmed reservation. Luck I thought was on my side (for once). But hell it wasn’t not. The birth allotted to me was a side upper in an AC 2 tier coach which in itself is an extremely crampy affair.

Sharp at midnight as if it were an ominous sign a salty stench reached my nostrils. It was overpowering, nauseating and absolutely disgusting. Somebody had farted!
I nearly choked. The AC compartment may be a blessing in summers but it becomes a Nazi gas chamber when people blow their bottoms.
Surviving such incredible odds I reached Lucknow.

Since I had booked myself on a red eye back to Delhi the same night I was in a hardly holiday mood. The day past quickly and soon it was time to head for the wedding.
I really hadn’t been having a great day and I wasn’t really expecting much as well. But hell I was wrong! And this time pleasantly surprised too. The wedding in itself was a short, sweet and a quick affair. The food was what made my head go round. Believe it or not, there were actually 35 different dishes of non vegetarian food!!!

For a foodie like me this was straight out a fairy tale (bad example but it felt like that). There were heaps and heaps and heaps of Galawati Kababs, Kakori Kakabs, Reshmi Kababs, Kalmi Kababs, three different kinds of Biryani, 5 kinds of fish and list goes on… Boy it was some feast!

Good things don’t last forever and neither does the space in my stomach. So at midnight while trying to avoid belching loudly in public (as gracefully as possible), I decided to head home, pick up my bag and get straight to the airport since my flight was at the unearthly hour of three in the morning.

Now Lucknow airport is very unlike other airports. It’s a small port and it’s also international. The whole place is a paradox in itself. Employees there give the impression of being really busy, as if they have the pressure of handling 30 flights an hour (they walk that way). The problem is, they are not that busy and flights land there only once in three hours. Secondly it’s horribly sad on infrastructure. So there I was at the airport trying to check in and look awake at the same time. The only people present were passengers who had come in on the last flight from Jeddah two hours back and were wrapping up their haggling with contemptuous Custom officers.

Ting Ting Dong : Sabhi Yatre krirpya dhyan de, Dubai se aani vali Indian Airlines ki udaan IC 884 char ghante se vilambhet hai… and went on about how truly sorry they were about it. Now since this was an international fight that would turn domestic and then carry us to Delhi, the delay actually translated into five hours. 4 hours late + one hour for paperwork.

I sat on a not very confidence inspiring recliner and watched as a fat lady who sat beside me snored loudly and guffawed at the same time. I hated her very sight for she dissipated any chances that I had of possibly dozing off.
Slowly the sky started lightening as the heaviness of the night lifted. The fat woman still snored heavily.
Mercifully a while later IC 884 landed. I spent the next hour pacing. Two reasons - I knew I’d be late for office and secondly the fat oaf had me on fire.

Finally the flight was announced; we boarded and took off. The Lucknow adventure I thought was over. BUT Murphy’s law. How could I ever forget that?

A salty stench reached my nostrils. …Again! It was overpowering, nauseating and absolutely disgusting. An idoit in the seat ahead had farted!
I choked... While the oxygen was being restricted in my lungs I had visions of picking up the delinquent who burst his tank, opening the emergency exit and chucking him out and then watching him as he plummeted 25,000 feet. (perhaps his internal compressed natural gas might have rescued him)...
I guess I must have passed out (it was that bad) for otherwise I think I might have actually just done it …

Freedom at Midnight !

Monday morning. The time of the week when it’s toughest to wakeup, get out of bed, drive to office and spend an irritating day while putting up with workplace tyranny. The whole affair is nothing but a pain. A pain with 52 cycles in a year, except on certain merry occasions. Such merry occasions don’t come often, but last Monday, it happened.

It started off like any other Monday; newspapers screamed the usual headlines - x killed in y place, politicians alleging conspiracies, Al Qaeda’s fanatical warnings … A typical beginning to a typical Monday. Without hope I drove to office through an equally chaotic late goers’ rush hour traffic.

As I pulled into my usual unlawful parking spot, mentally preparing myself for the day ahead, something clicked in my head... something… was wrong. The office parking attendant (yes! we have one even for the illegal place) was actually smiling. I mean, he looked positively happy.

At the gate another jarring sight greeted me. The Guard. Usually a morose spectacle today presented an animated sight.
“Good Morning Sir!”
A little taken aback for I’m used to a practiced ignore I wondered if the recent solar eclipse had a lasting effect on the two.

I entered and walked through the corridor to approach the reporters section. Something was amiss.

Most chairs were empty, people were lazing around, animated chatter wafted through the basement air … the atmosphere seemed almost surreal for a Monday morning.

I guess my completely foxed expression must have been noticed, for a concerned colleague came up asking if I was Ok.

He said, “... don’t look so stressed” It’s a holiday!”

I gave him a nasty look … holidays are a touchy subject. (we’re open 365 days)

He replied “Well its kind of a holiday, the boss is on a business trip for the whole week. He left last night”

Hmmnnn ...

"Hmmnnn ... "
I've recently been thinking about the depth of this word. It seems to have numerous meanings and is open to interpretation in several ways.

Lets think of a situation ...

Lets say you've done some work x and given it to your boss for his review or comments or suggestions or approval and the deadline to dispatch it off to the next level is looming large. You're panicking to get it out ....
Frustrated for not getting any feedback from your boss, you approach him ...

You : Boss, what do you think about x
Boss : ...no response

long pause (youre presence is completely ignored !)

You : (hesitatingly) Boss .... did you see what .... er..
The boss looks up and stares at you straight in the eye.
Looks down and says "Hmmnnn....."

....Silence .....

You think ... will the proverbial truth ever come out....

Quietly you step out of his office ... not knowing what to do...

It is at this point that you try to interpret his "Hmnnn...." and come up with following possibles...

1. The Boss is Ok with your work
2. The Boss is Ok with your work, but does not want to acknowledge it
3. He likes your work
4. He does not like that you've done a good job
5. He's jealous of your doing a great job
6. He hates your work
7. He hates your work and is thinking how to strangle you
8. He's seen it but is clueless about it
9. Doesn't know what the next level wants
10. He's not seen it.

So you are still in a quandary ...

In fact "Hmmnnn..." has the merits of being a perfect response to most questions. I ran some checks on the legal use of this particular word and here's what I found...
In a board room meeting or in a court of law, silence or no answer can be construed as a yes. But Hmmmnn... is not silence... but its also not an answer. Hence its a very politically and legally correct statement to make.

Moral of the story ................... Hmnnn.....