The Drunken Duck

In all my experience of being around drunken / sloshed men & women, I've figured that behavior of all such people can be classified into 6 broad categories.

1. Boastful
2. Stupid Anger
3. Extreme grief
4. Mirthless laughter or happiness
5. Baseless affection / romance / sexual attraction
6. Idiotic philosophy

Can sum it all in two words - Raving lunacy

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN

'...so God said "Let their be light" and there was light...'

In a setting just as theatrical I've come to realize and understand a few things about myself. And so as has become customary, I shall let my new found divine enlightenment known to the cybernetic world.

1. I hate / condemn / frown upon (as applicable)

a) Self pity & people who indulge in it.

b) Two faced people (crooks). In fact I happen to know a certain variety of Hydra as well.

c) Lack of common sense.

d) Verbal diarrhoea. (senseless stuff)

e) Stubborn dolts.

f) Gay pride parade. I mean I'm straight but I don't go parading down the damn street with a flag advertising it.

g) Certain bitches & bastards. I tolerate a lot of them.

i) The statement 'True love is ...' & the question 'What is true love?'

F*** Off ! Do some work.

j) Show offs. Specially the yuppie puppies.

k) Pseudo class.

2. I love / admire / respect (as applicable)

a) Intelligent, honest, simple and straightforward people. I belive this genre of humankind forms a microscopic percentile that I'm still searching for.

b) Hardworking people with a sense of responsibility and purpose.

c) Selfless people. I'm not advocating anyone to be a sage and renounce the world but simply referring to those who are empathetic to others.

d) Nature.

e) Small pleasures of life.

f) Photography, computers, books, music & movies.

g) My friends.

i) Quest for knowledge. The constant endeavour to better oneself.

k) Money

3. Realizations

a) A Matter of Convenience

After 27 years of existence I have finally learnt the benefits of doing things to suit my convenience. For the perfectionist that I am I've understood that saving lives is not my profession. I just need to do my best and that's it. (period) You might argue "but that's how it should be." Well, I used to usually put my entire life's worth into anything I did. But not anymore. I do a job, like a job and to the very best of my ability (no compromises there). Its just that I no longer make it my life's work. Its not worth it.

Recently, I was asked if I plan to implement the 'Convenience' principle in my personal life. Earlier I wasn't very keen about the whole thing but with the breaking dawn I've realised I seem to be the only idiot not doing so. So well ... here goes.

b) Nothing is impossible because everything is possible. Naturally I am talking about practical stuff.

c) Chaos Theory stands true.

d) People who bull shit go a long way. But I'm still not going to do it. (knowingly)

e) True love is a myth.

f) Life always comes a full circle.

Thank you for your patience.

Sincerely yours,

The Saint.

Issued In Public Interest (Version 1)

The Pursuit of Happiness

The United States' Declaration of Independence lists three aspects as the "unalienable rights" of man - "Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness". Penned by Thomas Jefferson and often referred to as the 'Great American Dream' this phrase has motivated millions. Infact so strong and deep is its influence that people across the world waste their entire lives in an attempt to live up to it.

When I say waste it is not my intention to vandalise the belief of others but its simply that like F. Scott Fitzgerald I am rather uncomfortable with the unrestrained materialism and lack of morality that creeps in with it.

For me happiness is a moment in time and a state of mind where one feels that 'life is good'. Its pointless to waste time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Happiness is something extremely personal, its more than just an experience of joy or pleasure.

Today, I think I have learnt to revel in those moments and then move on ...

The Game

If you've seen 'The Game' (starring Micheal Douglas) you'll understand what I mean when I say that nothing is impossible to plot, plan or execute.

But when the best laid plans crumble right before thy eyes. It feels terrible in fact it feels horrible or sad or worse...

Q1. Why does this happen ?

Q2. How do I prevent it from happening again ?

Q3. How do I control the variables repsonsible ?

Q4. Do the variables want to be controlled ?

Q5. Do I really want to control the variables ?

Q6. Does it really matter ? (remember ... horrible ... terrible ... sad)

(...and please lets stop blaming poor destiny for everything because destiny cannot even control itself let alone the chaos of the world)

Angry

Pissed as hell ?

Oh yes!
I am ...

The Story of My Life

There are various kinds of stories.

1. Real life stories
2. Reel life stories
3. Life stories
4. Real stories
5. Larger than life stories
6. Metaphysical stories
7. Mythical stories
8. Mad stories
9. Fantasy stories
10. Dreamworld world
11. Crazy stories
12. Moral stories
13. Immoral stories
14. False stories
15. Cooked up stories
16. Thought of stories
17. Candy floss stories
18. Bed time stories
19. Moon light stories
20. Fairy stories
21. War stories
22. Peace stories
23. Hate stories
24. Horror stories
25. Practical stories
26. Sad Stories
27. Happy stories
28. Love stories
29. Heartbreak stories
30. Bitchy stories
31. Confused stories

The list goes on

Helloooooooo ............... Which one is mine ?

Colour Blind? ... Try Black & White.

Earth calling Moon Rocket ....
General question No. 4 !

Why O why does the human race perceive the world with all its seemingly immense possibilities as vivid high definition multi million colour shades ?

Its always the same story - the eternal search for perfection... the exact meaning... the right understanding... the electrifying connect... the right motive... Blah... Blah... Blah...

The problem is that our processing power is limited and we get thoroughly confused by the sheer number and complexity of shades that the spectrum of life presents. This inevitably leads to total chaos.

What nobody seems to understand is that life with all its possibilities will become much simpler to comprehend and far easier to tackle if we were to simply interpret everything as single blocks of Black & White. Simply put; just use logic and give up interpretation and analysis.

Now I have on several occassions been informed that this is impossible.
But ladies and gentlemen, trust me ... Try and thy shall succeed.

Afterall logic, though rare is not impossible to find.

Heres a hint - begin with common sense.

Romantic Reality

Earth calling Moon Rocket ....
General question No. 3 !

Why O why does the human race need to romanticize everything ?
By everything I mean right from the mole to the mountain.
Why can't people just get real. And that includes me

Romance
[n., adj. roh-mans, roh-mans; v. roh-mans]
noun, verb, -manced, -manc·ing, adjective

1. a novel or other prose narrative depicting heroic or marvelous deeds, pageantry, romantic exploits, etc., usually in a historical or imaginary setting.
2. the colorful world, life, or conditions depicted in such tales.
3. a medieval narrative, originally one in verse and in some Romance dialect, treating of heroic, fantastic, or supernatural events, often in the form of allegory.
4. a baseless, made-up story, usually full of exaggeration or fanciful invention.
5. a romantic spirit, sentiment, emotion, or desire.
6. romantic character or quality.
7. a romantic affair or experience; a love affair.
8. (initial capital letter) Also, Romanic. Also called Romance languages. the group of Italic Indo-European languages descended since a.d. 800 from Latin, as French, Spanish, Italian, Portuguese, Romanian, Provençal, Catalan, Rhaeto-Romanic, Sardinian, and Ladino. Abbreviation: Rom. –verb (used without object)
9. to invent or relate romances; indulge in fanciful or extravagant stories or daydreams.
10. to think or talk romantically. –verb (used with object)
11. Informal. a. to court or woo romantically; treat with ardor or chivalrousness: He's currently romancing a very attractive widow. b. to court the favor of or make overtures to; play up to: They need to romance the local business community if they expect to do business here. –adjective
12. (initial capital letter) Also, Romanic. of, pertaining to, or noting Romance: a Romance language.

—Synonyms 1. story, fiction. 4. falsehood, fable. 6. allure, fascination, exoticism.

Fluoxetine Hydrochloride

Either pay me half a million rupees (5 lakhs) a month or give me 5 tablets of Prozac everyday.
Thanks.

Food 4 Thought !

"Please don't mistake my anal retentiveness for actual affection"
-Desperate Housewives

For the record I haven't seen a single episode till date ...

Knee Jerk Reaction to Ha Ha Ha...

Guess what my boss just told me - emphatically ... "Your problem is that your (my) character is embedded in the first poem. Be the second."

And here I thought I was just being a normal guy ... Damn !

Ha Ha Ha ...

Here's a brilliant forward I received !

WOMAN'S POEM
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages my back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind,
Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?'
I pray that this man will love me to no end,
And always be my very best friend.

MAN'S POEM
I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs
who owns a liquor store and a golf course.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a sh*t

Before Sunrise...

... Clap of thunder
Streak of lightening
Touch of zephyr ...

BUT

No soaring emotions
No heightened spirits
No great expectations

JUST

Calm
Cold
Clinical

Is this me ?

Constant Change

The eternal constant.

Sometimes positive ... sometimes negative .... and at times unbearable.

If its there, its there for a reason .... After all every action has an equal an opposite reaction. So in essence the reaction (change) is a always courtesy of some action.

One may hate it ... one may love it ... but nobody can ignore it.

Simply Perfect ...

Earth calling Moon Rocket ....
General question No. 2 !

Why O why is perfection completely attainable in almost everything except in things that one truly wants to be perfect ?

Some say its ... Destiny
Some ... Fate
Others ... Chaos
The rest just blame it on sheer bad luck.

Moral of the story ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ??? ??? ???

Heavens above ... Answer this !

Earth calling Moon Rocket ....
General question No. 1 !

Why O why do women without discrimination of religion, colour, race, caste or creed absolutely love to be told that they are the most beautiful creatures in the world ? Every time? Everyday?

The Predicament

What happens when two sides are faced with a situation where their interests lie on different tracks?
Needless to say that it’s a high voltage situation with a long list of variables where the stakes are sky high and the losses are mounting.

What options are available to the two sides?
What do they do ?

What can they do ?

Let’s take a hard analytical look at this problem. Broadly they have 3 logical solutions.

1. Discuss the problem in a civilized manner and come to a mutually agreeable solution i.e. find a solution through which both gain. Together they decide to overcome obstacles and walk out victorious. In short they live happily ever after.

2. Discuss the problem in a civilized manner and come to a compromise so they don’t exactly live happily ever after but agree to live and let live i.e. they decide to stay out of each other’s hair. In short status quo is maintained.

3. Aha … Here lies the problem !
This is called a standoff. Talks breakdown or reach a point where Options 1 and 2 are just not viable for any one of the two sides or maybe for both. What should be done …

Solution 3 (a) -> Declare war – To the end …
Solution 3 (b) -> Start public campaigns to swing general opinion in ones favor and try to influence the outcome.
Solution (c) -> Use subversive and covert means to spread rumors, image hurting operation etc.

But what happens if both sides are intelligent and civilized people, who value trust, honesty and practice non violence? (Worse they belive in it !) Should they be forced to suffer the consequences of their good intentions ?

No ... !

That’s exactly my point … NO.

But then ‘What do they do ?’ ...

What to do and What not to do ?’

The Eternal Madness of the Unquiet Mind

Today, the so called Master of Disaster Management feels completely blown away. I've always managed my way out of the worst and the most impossible of situations but for once I have no solution to my predicament.

Its almost as if my my mind is playing 'Ring a ring O'Roses' and is forcing me to fall down.

Maybe I've lost my touch ... completely.

I'm tired ...

What I need is a miracle ...

... Afterglow

Here I am, lost in the light of the moon that comes through my window
Bathed in blue, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses
It's you and the roses

Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go I will find my way when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow

Here I am, lost in the ashes of time, but who wants tomorrow?
In between the longing to hold you again
I'm caught in your shadow, I'm losing control
My mind drifts away, we only have today

Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go I will find my way
I will sacrifice 'til the blinding day when I see your eyes
Now I'm living in your afterglow

When the faith has gone as I let you go, as I let you go

Touch me and I will follow in your afterglow
Heal me from all this sorrow
As I let you go I will find my way, I will sacrifice
Now I'm living in your afterglow

Bathed in blue, the walls of my memory divide the thorns from the roses
It's you who is closest

The Saint

Today a question that honestly deserves some introspection was fired at me and that too straight out of the blue... (The text is not verbatim)

Are you really as saintly as you appear to be in terms of women or ... ?

Taken aback by the way this googly was tossed at me, I was at first a little unsure about the way I was required to answer this question. Sense however prevailed and I managed the answer but not before I quizzed my interviewer about the defination of the term 'Saintly'.

My Question : How does one define the term 'saintly' and what does 'in terms of women' mean ?
This probe found me the following answer.
Unsaintly behavior in terms of women - Person who flirts with the intent of oogling and may take immense pleasure in doing so. (There are some who do it compulsively)

My answer was somewhat close to the following ... I'm a guy and I'm straight so essentially I have my beliefs and my thoughts in the right place (Fact). And I definately don't oogle at women because I consider it extremely obscene and an invasion of privacy. I don't deny an occasional flirting on my part but its limited to ladies who know me well and who I hope have the mindspace and intellegence for it. My apologies but I have no patience for dumb women (or anyone for that matter).

My answer did not seem to completely satisfy my quizmaster so another twist was popped on me.

So are you implying that you are not interested in women and that you don't look at them?

Me : Well as I mentioned before I'm straight. But there is a definate fat line of distnction between oogling and what we men call a quick scan or glance.

Quizmaster : Hmmnnnn.... (the topic drifted to something else)

Much later in the evening it occured to me that human actions and opinions are to a huge degree precipitated by past experiences and the emotional traces that they leave. So there are usually some undercurrents that linger through and manage to affect the way we percieve situations.

In my case ... I think I'll just say ... Once smitten forever shy.