Invictus

I'm the master of my fate,
I'm the captain of my soul.

- William Ernest Henley

So help me God...

Its not uncommon for me to hear comments like 'you are a people's person' Or 'you have an affect over people' Or 'you are a great talker' Or 'you know how to handle people'.

To be honest I am nothing of the above. I am just a very average person who does his best to keep his head afloat. But what I can never match are people's expectations. Be it my family or friends or colleagues, I am always expected to play this super effecient, always perfect, flawless, charming, creative, super dedicated person 24x7 .... But hey am I really this person, I don't know. Why? Well because I've been playing this part for so long that its difficult to really know what my own traits are like. And to make make matters worse, to falter now will mean banishment into oblivion.

How long can I do this? How long do I have to live in the constant fear of making mistakes? How long will it be before I am forgiven for the mistakes I might have made? How will long will it be before I am absloved of the crimes I did not commit? How long will it be before I before I get my long overdue credit? How long ...

The answer is - I don't know... Maybe its not anybody's fault & maybe its just mine. Maybe I've just not understood things ... Not understood people & their expectations. May be they are all right & I'm wrong & then maybe I'm right too....

Whatever be the answer ... The point is that my mind continues to race & sleep is still hard to come by...

Point to Ponder

"Beauty is a summation of the parts working together in such a way that nothing is needed to be added, taken away or altered"

Elio Carletti (1925 - 1980)

Enigma

A mountain bathed in moonlight,
Bone chilling minus 9 degrees,
Howling Himalayan wind...

...Desolate, Intense & Stunning

I love wild cats!

P.S. The Mysterious Ones !!!

02 October 2008

After months of non stop work, Gandhi Jayanti's holiday came as a pleasant surprise. A much need holiday that I used to withdraw within myself and ponder over the events that have clogged my mind's bandwidth.

The conclusion - I need the follows:

Professional
1. Long term professional goal and plan
2. More money

Personal
3. Be less trusting
4. Be more logical & practical
5. Be less empathic
6. Learn to detach myself

Health
7. Need to take care of myself a lot more
8. Peace of mind. Need to unwind and relax

In short I need a renewed life (one without excess baggage) and to kick start that I need a holiday!

Midnight Visitor

Slippery

Okay...I goofed up!

I wished an acquaintance of mine 'many happy returns of the day' ... errr.... It was her wedding day!

Hell I never really liked that son of a goat anyway.

Just when I thought I was unique ... ;-)

Ode to the Nice Guys

Composition of a Wharton Undergraduate

This is a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style.

This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.

This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she interrupted the best killing spree you’d ever orchestrated in GTA3 to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you paused the game for two hours and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.

The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed on campus and what I have learned from talking to friends at other schools and in the workplace, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single.

So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming.

Eye Opener...

Sometimes we refuse to see the obvious and for a couple of months I had been doing just that. It eventually took a trip in the hills of Garhwal for realization to dawn that I needed to visit a ophthalmologist.

So last Saturday I found myself registering at a posh South Delhi eye clinic. The very suave doctor made sure that I understood how our deteriorating environment coupled with my unhealthy lifestyle and erratic hours were the reasons for my slightly blurred headlights. So on Sunday afternoon, following the good doctor's advice (not that I had a choice in the matter) I found myself peering into a mirror at my bespectacled face. Needless to say it helped.

Later that evening armed with my brand new visionary arsenal, I settled down to watch some TV. It struck me as I flicked through the movie channels ... in fact it came like a lightening bolt...! Catherine Zeta Jones, Nicole Kidman, Rene Zellweger even Salma Hayek ... none of them looked the same! Age had effected what I thought were flawless faces, I could now make out their wrinkles even through the multi layered makeup.
I know this sounds foolish but what the hell, some myths are just not worth breaking!

Having witnessed the incredible effect of my new found eyes, I decided to take a break from clear vision and enjoy a slice of some freshly baked pizza. So there I was peacefully propped up in front of my TV on a couch made of pillows and with a strong current of dessert cooler air blowing into my face. I was carefully sprinkling my delicious looking pizza slice with oregano & chili flakes when it happened suddenly and without a warning. The mouth watering but deadly mixture of pizza seasoning flew up and went straight into my eyes @#$%^&*!!!!!!!

It was agonising. I do not have words to define how my eyes burned. Perhaps the reader will understand when I say that I ran to the bathroom and plunged my head in a bucket full of water and promptly set a new record by not surfacing for 10 minutes! (Indian Olympic Association, are you listening) For the next 2 hours my eyes were bloodshot red and resembled a real time photographic aberration. I guess even the resident ghost of my supposedly haunted house must have been scarred out of her wits to look me in the eye.

Those were the adventures of my first day of new visions and clear horizons. I now await another day of revelations.

Blurred Lines

http://rayshmadoodlez.blogspot.com/2008/07/karma-chameleon.html
The debate continues ...

Why do I even try ?

At times no matter how hard you try, some people never understand. I don't know if they do so on purpose or they are really confused or they have some inane and obscure motive of their own ... They point is that they simply refuse to see the logic. Makes me wonder why I tried in the first place.

I understand the concept of life coming back full circle but starting all over again from square one ... I draw the line.

Destiny And It's Manifestations

Destiny in actuality is nothing more than our perception of reality.

Linda Goodman might find my opinion extremely irritating but believe me it's only about the way we look at circumstances that life presents to us. It's like believing that a glass tumbler is half full or half empty.

It's completely in our hands to interpret and analyse a situation, determine our choices and thereby a course of action. The result of this hard work is something that we then attribute to destiny and find a convenient way to blame a nonexistent entity for our incorrect and often absurd perceptions.

Moral of the story: We truly are in control of destiny's manifestations ... after all its only a matter of perception. And we can manage that ... can we ?

One & Many

"Logic clearly dictates that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few"
- Captain Spock, Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan

True but not universally correct. Why ?

At the grave risk of sounding extremely selfish, crazy with a micro outlook, I would like to say that unless the needs of the one are satisfied, the needs of the many can never be satiated.

P.S. - Did I say 'grave risk' ... I don't really care as long I believe I am correct.

While you wait for magic...

"...You need to be a little more mad, less sensible and...i dunno..."

Look Again !

She: The only thing standing between me and absolute happiness is Reality !

Me: The only thing standing between absolute happiness and reality is You ... Look Again !

Oooooooh ... Aaaaaaaah ...

Earth calling Moon Rocket ....
General question No. 9 !

Why O why do women absolutely drool over soft toys and discuss their varieties in the most animated fashion? They sound almost orgasmic !

Prize Catch

This is for all the women who dream of being 'Trophy Wives'

'The golden rule if you are a trophy wife is that you do not stray while the old man is still alive.'
- Sally Burton

PS - Sally the actor Richard Burton a year before he died.

Carnival of Rust

D' you breath the name of your saviour in your hour of need,
n' taste the blame if the flavor should remind you of greed,
Of implication, insinuation and ill will, till' you cannot lie still,
In all this turmoil, before red cape and foil come closing in for a kill

Come feed the rain
Cos I'm thirsty for your love dancing underneath the skies of lust

Yeah feed the rain
Cos without your love my life ain't nothing but this carnival of rust

It's all a game, avoiding failure, when true colors will bleed
All in the name of misbehavior and the things we don't need
I lust for after no disaster can touch us anymore
And more than ever, I hope to never fall, where enough is not the same it was before

Come feed the rain...
Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the world is burning
Don't walk away, don't walk away, oh, when the heart is yearning

- Poets Of The Fall

Aha !

Today's fortune: You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.

QW: Wow ! Now I am really waiting :-)